Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Those Are Not Pants

I really hate to break it to you, Saks, but LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. No no no, leggings are Active Wear. They are good for wearing to the gym, or to go running in, or.... for other forms of exercise. They may also be worn for sleeping. Unfortunately for you, Saks, and "Kova & T", one role this ever-so-versatile garment can never play is pants. 

What makes this advertisement even more heinous is the fact that these leggings are stirrups. Yes, stirrups! American Apparel, purveyor of all things hideous, already failed in their attempts at bringing stirrups back. Stirrups are quite possibly the least flattering design ever to hit the lower body. It is a sad truth that a gross majority of America's population does not have the thighs to wear skintight cotton spandex in lieu of its more forgiving cousin, denim. Not only are stirrups made from the same flaw-enhancing fabric as leggings, but the actual "stirrup" part of the design serves only to constantly pull themselves down! What we have then, is a saggy undergarment that displays your cellulite, all the while creating a weird and unattractive ripple effect around your ankles because there is not enough elastic in that region to shrink to fit the natural curve beneath the ankle. The only way I could see this problem being eradicated is if the stirrup-wearer has cankles, in which case they should be wearing pants that hide, instead of accentuate, this unfortunate leg defect.

I was convinced that every fashion hound innately knew that leggings and pants are of different genera, but Saks 5th Avenue has proved me wrong. Please, do not follow the misguided direction of the Saks website stylist, and never choose leggings instead of pants. And whatever you do, DO NOT wear heels with gym clothes.

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